![]() ![]() Instead, it was their pitching that failed them: the Colons starters, facing nine pitchers, nine shortstops and nine Adam Dunns, only managed an ERA of 7.80, barely better than the Dunns themselves.Īs the season plodded onward, it became a two-team race between the Adam Dunns and the surprising Koji Ueharas. By October every position player had called it quits except the first baseman, theoretically due to the strain of exercise, although the Colons weren’t actually any worse at fielding than the Dunns or the Ueharas. They didn’t win a series until the end of April, and before long they began peppering my inbox with retirement announcements at the end of the year. They came back and beat the Colons the next night, 6-4. This would crush the spirit of most players, but not Dee Gordon(s). The final Dee Gordon, abandoned on the mound by his disqualified teammates, pitched the final 3.1 innings and gave up 86 earned runs on 58 walks and 37 hits, for a total of 476 pitches. They set more single-game records than I care to count, including 29 runs scored (by two players), 24 walks (also two), and 25 RBI. The Dunns went up to the plate as a team 230 times. The game began at 7:05 EST, with a paid attendance of 30,861 no word on how many remained after the final pitch at 4:26 the following morning. 13 Dee Gordons pitched, with the starter throwing 65 pitches of 8-run, 1.1 inning ball.īut it was only a skirmish heralding April 20, where the Dunns returned and beat the Gordons by a score of 164 to 12 ( boxscore). Right fielder Adam Dunn went 5 for 6 with three walks, two homers, and 12 RBI. But then, on April 12, I saw my first ill omen ( click for box score). In fact, all the teams seemed to be doing okay except the Colons, who were struggling badly. The first piece of news was Dee Gordon getting five hits on Opening Day not bad. I assigned each homunculi a position, set five starters and a closer, and designated the rest as middle relievers. I locked the rosters at 25 because it would take too long to populate a minor league system, and I didn’t want the computer to sneak some unauthorized eighteen year-old Cuban onto the club to use as fresh legs. In terms of methodology, I kept all four players at their original, OOTP-assigned ratings, only guessing what I thought the hitters’ fastballs would clock in at. In a perfect world, they might form a delicate balance. Each of the four teams has a strength: power, speed, stamina, and stuff, respectively, and I wanted to see which would win out. And I chose Koji Uehara because I like Koji Uehara. I chose Bartolo Colon because I’m not completely an idiot. I chose Dee Gordon because I’m an idiot and didn’t think of Jose Altuve until it was too late. I chose Adam Dunn because, when I started this project a couple of weeks ago, I never imagined that Dunn would be a gigantic jerk and pitch for the first time after fourteen years.
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